Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
