i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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