so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
