you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
