69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
