i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish you could order shots online.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
