i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
