you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
