you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
