bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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