i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
