I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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