I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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