Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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