bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
