you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
