You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
