; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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