Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
