And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
