As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
