when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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