why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
