Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
