The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
