if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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