I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
