Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
