I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
