can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
