My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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