he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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