How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
