When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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