does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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