don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
