Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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