Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
