oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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