i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
