Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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