D3 body, D1 cock
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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