phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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