So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
