Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you traded sex for a burrito?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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