i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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