So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
