Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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