I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
did i walk over a car last night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
