i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
